iLet My Walls Fall
by 3cooldog92
Summary: A ontinuation of iOMG in celebration of the one year anniversary of iOMG. This starts right after the kiss instead of 3 days later. Sam doesn't go to the mental hospital in this. Seddie oneshot.


iLet My Walls Fall

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly or any of the characters. That honor belongs to Dan Schneider and Nickelodeon.**

**A/N This is to celebrate the anniversary of iOMG. I can't believe it has already been a year. I was disappointed that iLost My Mind picked up 3 days after the kiss, instead of right after, so this is what happened right after the kiss. Sam never went to the mental hospital in this. Some of the POVs overlap in time. Italics are flashbacks.**

Sam's POV

Carly is annoying the chiz out of me. She's telling me to make a move, but I know that it won't turn out well if I do. She means well, but she just doesn't get it.

"You act like you're such a tough girl but really you're just scared."

Okay, maybe she does get it. I've told her about everything that's happened in my life, but I don't think she would ever understand why that makes me act the way I do unless she actually went through it herself. Life has taught me you have to be able to get through life on your own. I've learned the hard way not to let anyone see the real me. I kind of wish I was in love with Brad. At least then I'd have a chance. But there's no way Freddie would want to go out with me. Not after all that's happened since the 6th grade. Every time I think there might be tiny bit of hope, I remember what happened after we finished the first iCarly with Brad.

"_You, sir, are and excellent assistant"_

"_And Sam doesn't give out a lot of compliments"_

"_Usually it's insults followed by beatings"_

Yep. I'm just the demon who torments him daily. He probably still loves Carly anyway. I really wish I could take all those mean things I did back. I never did any of those things to hurt him or because I hate him. At first I just treated him like I treat most people who aren't Carly. I teased him and maybe hit him once or twice. I do that to everyone so they don't get close to me. Life has taught me that every time someone gets close to you, they end up hurting you. But Freddie didn't leave like most people did. He kept coming back. That scared the living chizz out of me. That's why he became my number one target. I figured that if I couldn't drive him away I could at least stop him from getting close enough to hurt me. It worked, but then I started to fall in love with him. That made it really hard because I wanted him to know the true me but at the same time I knew he'd hurt me just like everyone else. That's why I started hanging out with him and Brad. That way I could be with Freddie but he wouldn't get suspicious. My hope was that maybe Freddie would see something more than the monster he dealt with so he could hang out with Carly. That way I wouldn't have to say anything about how I was feeling.

That didn't work. Instead I ended up making Carly suspicious that I liked someone. At least she didn't think I liked Freddie. I really wish Carly would mind her own business. She wants me to be happy, but Freddie's reaction to me liking him would make me anything but happy. I told her to bake me a pie and left. I needed to be alone. As I sat against the wall, I decided what my next move would be. I would just go back to normal and pretend like this whole thing never happened. It was tearing me up inside that I couldn't be with Freddie, but I knew it would hurt even more if he rejected me.

I decided to just hang out where I was for the night. In the morning I planned to go back to acting the way I did before. That's when Freddie came out. Great. He came out without Carly telling him to. I guess that means he cares. Maybe. If he does it's only as a friend. Once he started telling me how right Carly was, I realized this wasn't going anywhere. I wanted to be alone in case my facade broke down.

"_That's it! Get out of here before I do a double fist dance on your face!"_

"_You can threaten your double fist face dancing all you want. But Carly's still right. Look, I know it's scary for you to put your feelings out here. 'Cause you never know if the person you like is gonna like you back. Everyone feels that way. But you never know what might happen if you don't—"_

This why I love him. Even though he hates me, he's still giving me advice like a friend. I knew that he would treat any girl went out with like a princess. But I knew that girl would never be me. Even if it was me, he'd leave eventually, only to confirm what life as taught me time and again. But at this point, I couldn't hold back any longer. I kissed him. I don't know how long it lasted, but I liked it. When I realized what was happening, I pulled away to see his reaction. There was no anger or disgust, so it could have been worse. But still, he didn't act like he like he liked it.

"I—"

"Sorry"

I really was. My secret was out. It wasn't a matter of if he would reject me, it was a matter of when.

"It's cool"

Holy chiz. I really messed up this time. Nothing will ever be the same again. Stupid feelings. I should have just gone home. At least I wouldn't have been able to anything stupid like I just did. I didn't know if he would make fun of me or tell me that should stay friends. But I sure wasn't going to stick around to find out. I headed for the door but Freddie put his hand on my shoulder.

"Sam, wait. You can't just kiss me and then walk away like it's nothing. Why'd you kiss me? I thought you liked Brad."

"Ugh, I can't believe you. Haven't I made it clear that I don't like Brad?"

"Yeah, but I just don't get how someone like you could love me,"

That's when I felt pain in my chest. He doesn't get me and he never will. To him I'm a monster who can't fall in love. I kind of wish I was. That would make my life a lot easier.

"You know what? Forget it. To you I'm just a monster incapable of falling in love. I'm out of here."

I pushed past Freddie and stormed out the door.

Freddie's POV

Sam's been acting different. Once I found out she was in love, it sort of made sense. She and Carly got into an argument and I decided to go talk to Sam. I don't why she won't just go and talk to Brad. I went out and saw Sam. She was sitting by the water fountain and she looked so sad. I really don't like seeing her that way. We pretend that we hate each other, but I really do care about Sam. I decided to convince her that Carly is right. That led her to threaten her double fist face dancing. As much as I didn't want her to do that, I wanted her to be happy, so I gave her some advice. As I was talking, she kissed me. I don't really know what I think about it. I was too shocked to say anything coherent. Once I regained my senses, I asked her why she kissed me. I was really confused. But what I do know is I saw a look on Sam's face that I've never seen before: fear. Then I must have said the wrong thing, because she thinks that she's just a monster to me. As she walked out I saw a look that looked like hurt on her face. She stormed out the door and went who knows where.

Sam's POV

I broke into the cafeteria kitchen to get something to eat. Once I got in, I realized there was no meat. I just curled up under the table and tried to get some sleep. But I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about how Freddie would never give me a chance because of all the mean things I did to him. I kept trying to tell myself that he would let me down easy, but it was no use. That would be almost as bad. As I lay there, I started shaking. I was so scared. I had no idea what to do. I thought back to all those times I teased Freddie. I didn't do it because I hated him. I did it because I didn't know how else to express myself. I just wish he would see past that and see that I really do love him. But he would never go out with someone as messed up as me. As I thought about what life was going to be like without anyone loving me or understanding me, I heard a knock at the door.

"It's me, Carly"

Freddie's POV

I followed Sam, but she was too quick. I lost her. I really needed to find Sam so I could get this straightened out. I was going in to demand to know what she feels about me so I could figure out how I feel about her. As searched for her, I found Carly.

"Have you seen Sam? I really need to see her."

"Yeah, I know where she is and I also know what happened between you two. Exactly what are going to say?"

"I'm going to demand a straight answer about how she feels about me so we can figure out what the kiss means."

"I don't think that's the best idea, Freddie. I want to tell you some things about Sam before you talk to her. Let's find an empty classroom."

"Gibby, you can let Spencer out of the box. We got the data we need."

Me and Carly walked into Mr. Howard's classroom and Carly told me something about Sam that I wasn't aware of.

"Do you like Sam back? Because if you don't I don't want to tell you any of this."

"I do like her. I don't know if I love her like she loves me, but I definitely want to give Sam a chance"

"Okay, I'll tell you. I'll start by saying that if you say the wrong thing to her, it will hurt her very deeply, even though she will try not to show it. Let me ask you a question. Why do you think Sam acts the way she does?"

"I always thought that was just the way she was."

"That's not why she acts that way. She acts that way because she's scared that someone will get close enough to her to hurt her. Deep down, all she wants is to be loved for who she is. She thinks that you could be the one to do that, but she's scared you'll break her heart like everyone else. She just doesn't trust anyone."

"But why would Sam think that?"

"It's because of what's happened in her life. When she was 4, her dad walked out on her. She loved her dad very much and when he left she thought it was her fault. That's what made her mom go crazy. Sam hasn't had a loving parent since she was 4. When she was 5, Melanie left for boarding school. She was very close to Melanie, and she felt like she was abandoned again. Growing up with her insane mother was hard for her. Her mom always brought home creeps that could never replace her dad. Her mom never supported her, which is why she always sleeps and eats at my house."

As Carly told me about how hard Sam's life was, I really started to feel bad for Sam. Deep down, Sam is a good person. She doesn't deserve to go through this.

"When Sam got old enough to start liking boys, it got worse for her. There was Jonah, who cheated on her to get to me. She was really upset, but she didn't show it while you were there."

"But why would she like a guy that cheated on her?"

"She didn't like him. She was just upset because she felt like all the guys liked me and she would always be second best. Then there was Pete who dumped her when she stopped dressing all girly. Sam has never had a good relationship. Because of all this, she puts up these walls that stop people from getting close to her. She doesn't know how to express affection or let down her tough girl facade. She really does love you, Freddie. She's just scared. She may act all tough, but deep down she's fragile. If you say one wrong thing, you could hurt her really bad. Sam really wants someone to understand her and accept her for who she is. She wants to be number one in someone's eyes, not just the consolation prize. She wants to be with you, but she's afraid you'll hurt her like everyone else has."

As I listened, I got angry at all the people who hurt Sam. That anger is what made me absolutely sure that I liked Sam back. One day I will have to teach them all a lesson, but right now I need to convince Sam that I won't hurt her. I want to be the one who makes sure Sam never gets hurt again. She's gone through enough pain in her life. But I needed Carly to convince her to trust me.

"Can you go in and convince her to trust me?"

"Sure"

Carly walked me into the cafeteria and to the kitchen door. Of course Sam would be hiding in a place with food. I decided to go get Sam some beef jerky from my locker. That would have to be better than anything she finds in the kitchen.

Sam's POV

I opened the door for Carly and quickly pulled her in and locked the door again.

"Sam, Freddie's a good guy. He won't hurt you like everyone else did. You should give him a chance."

"That's what I thought about all the other scumbags in my life before they left me. I really want to have a loving relationship with Freddie, but life has taught me that those kinds of relationships will always come back and bite you in the butt."

"I'm not saying you should completely trust Freddie right away. But you need to trust him enough so he can prove that he won't hurt you. Freddie likes you back. You should give it a shot."

What Carly said made sense. Freddie may be my one shot at happiness, and I really want to try to make us work.

"Okay, send him in."

Carly walked out the door and no one came in for a while. That worried me. I started thinking that Freddie would never come. I thought maybe I was right after all. I curled back up in my spot under the table and started shaking again. Just when I thought Freddie was never going to come in, he did.

Freddie's POV

I walked into the kitchen with the beef jerky and found Sam in under the table. She was sniffling, and I could tell she was trying not to cry. I noticed just how tiny Sam really is when I saw her curled up under the table. With all the power she puts into her punches, it's hard to notice that she's only 5 feet tall and less than 100 pounds. I decided to pull her onto my lap and give her the beef jerky to make her feel better. As I held her and she ate, she seemed to be feeling better.

"Carly told me why you're having trouble with expressing yourself. I just want you to know that I'll never let you get hurt again. If we date I'm willing to go as slow as you want."

"I just want to feel like someone understands me and loves me for who I am. I feel like you do understand me and love me for who I am. So are we boyfriend and girlfriend?"

"If that's what you want"

"I do."

Sam finished her beef jerky and we shared our first kiss as boyfriend and girlfriend. After that, I just held her there and she fell asleep eventually.

Sam's POV

What Freddie said and did made me trust him enough to go out with him. Maybe in time I'll be able to trust him completely. All I know is that I feel a sense of peace I haven't felt since before my dad left. All that worrying is exhausting. Not long after I finished my beef jerky, I started getting tired and I fell asleep.

Freddie's POV

Once Sam fell asleep, I decided to carry her to the nurse's office where there were beds. I set her down on a bed and tried to get her a blanket, but she wouldn't let go of me in even though she was asleep. Eventually I was able to get her to let go of me and I grabbed the blanket and put it over her. I was about to leave when I noticed Sam was tossing and turning and had a frown on her face. She didn't look like that when she had her arms wrapped around me. I climbed onto the bed with her and her facial expression changed to a smile. Sam's peaceful smile is the last thing I remember seeing before I drifted off to sleep.

**A/N Well, there you have it. Ever since I started writing Seddie fanfiction I always wanted to do an iOMG sequel. The problem was I started writing in February of 2012, so I was 10 months late. So I waited for the 1 year anniversary of iOMG. Happy early iOMG anniversary! Thank you for reading and please review.**


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